I haven't been sure how exactly to write this. It's five AM and I can't sleep, and I have a shift today. It's early January and during a very cold polar vortex event this week. A report recently came out that the last ten years were the hottest ten years in recorded history. The place I live was in the impact zone of a geologic event that decimated our region and has been described as an unnatural biblical level flood. My beloved dog that was my rock died right before the storm at the age of 3 traumatically. And the inauguration of 47 is in less than two weeks. Despite all that, I am having one of the best years of my life and have a very serene peace and calm that is keeping me grounded. Great things are happening in my personal life and breakthroughs I didn't think were possible. I really need to air dirty laundry about what has been happening in relation to my birth family.

I've cut off from both of my parents, separately, about eight years apart. The shortest explanation I can give diplomatically is that we have incompatible realities and conflicting moral values. This isn't about childhood abuse or neglect. As far as it goes, they have both done their best to provide for their children's needs. They are both independently financially well off. I wouldn't say they were rich when we were kids. I'd say they were at the bottom of the upper 5-10 wealth/income percentile in America and went up from there. We never had to go hungry, without housing, without medical care. Never without. If you are going by that metric on paper, we were the perfect nuclear family to the outside.

But from the inside, it's gotten so bad that I want nothing to do with either of my parents. I don't want their money, or to be in their zone of delusion and denial. I put way too much of my energy into trying to fix things and make peace from within. I thought people could change, and I forgave and forgot, and the price I paid was losing everything I cared about and starting over from nothing. I don't think I'm better than anyone. All of our hands are dirty. But as far as it goes, I have not brought a child into the world or married, but I am living with the consequences of those who have and are miserable with their decisions.

My life now is deliberately simple, stripped of excess. Travel is a rarity, dining out an even rarer indulgence. My car logs less than 10,000 miles a year. I live modestly, below the poverty line, and make it work. For a time, my father’s financial support provided a fragile safety net, though I’ve learned that such assistance rarely comes without invisible strings. Homelessness has been a part of my story, a complex chapter I’m still processing. Despite these challenges, I am financially responsible and make sound choices. Resourcefulness has become a quiet strength; in a pinch, I know I could survive in the wilderness, though the thought holds little appeal at the moment. I’ve cultivated a comfortable existence on very little, ensuring the essentials are covered: rent, bills, the care of my animals, and the management of my health, largely outside the conventional medical system. I’ve embraced a slower rhythm of life.

I am surrounded by a remarkable chosen family, a network of support I can lean on when the storms gather. Thankfully, life has been good lately, and sharing these brighter days with them amplifies the joy. Returning to school three years ago has been another unexpected source of fulfillment. A former delinquent student, I now find myself on the Dean’s list, a testament to the power of self-directed learning. Homework, once a dreaded chore, is now something I genuinely look forward to.

The bane of my life right now is that there is a young person I care about tremendously in my birth family that I had to leave behind. I was around in the first half of their life sporadically, and we had a great relationship. I haven't been allowed to have any contact for the past five years, since I left that family unit.