I'm an alienated family member whose actually wonderful.
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I put together this vault of information about Parental and Family Alienation. As helpful as it can be, it is also distressing information to swallow.
I'm putting this page together to start a conversation on a topic that is very difficult. I consider this to be a generational curse in my family of upbringing. When I talk about Alienation, it can mean a lot of different things to different people.
To me, what Alienation is is the constant need for there to be an enemy, or someone to throw under the bus. I witnessed this behavior my entire life and didn't speak on it, until I was on the receiving end. This happens through manipulation, conveying of exaggerated or false information, and attacks on one's character. It is generally done out of extreme fear and insecurity, but can be done maliciously. Kids get put in the middle of grown up conflicts, and everyone ends up losing.
It is a form of psychological abuse and violence. There is settled research on this phenomenon, and lots of pseudoscience and crazy people who speak on it as well. There are people who dispute the existence of Parental and Family Alienation, and generally these are not good faith arguments, but ones of financial conflicts of interest. This comes up during high conflict divorces, separations, and estrangements. It is not relevant to everyone's situation. But it's absolutely relevant to mine.
I am not putting this together to argue a case, or argue that I am a good person, or attack anyone. If the shoe fits, it fits, however.
I'm putting this together because for the past eight years, I haven't really been allowed to share my point of view around the people who are doing this. It has impacted me heavily and inflicted a heartache and dread I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, let alone the kids who are burdened to carry the weight of this their entire life.
I'm sharing this because the young people caught as child soldiers in a divorce and estrangement war deserve to hear the other side, even if it is painful. It is also freeing and liberating. I love you and I'm sorry you were put in the middle of this.