When I am babysitting children, there is a structured outline of how the day will go. We have curated activities they can pick from. Within that, the kids are given an illusion of choice. They feel like they have control and power over the outcome of their day, and it is good for their brain development to have that choice.

Having choice is a life giving, affirming, and humanizing part of being alive. Sometimes we will do mental gymnastics to make a situation be our choice, especially when the choices given are not very good.

If you’re reading this, you or someone you love might be weighing an impossible decision: Stay in a toxic or unsafe situation, or leave—even if leaving means homelessness.

Choosing homelessness is very much a stigma. People will dismiss your pain and say it's privilege. No one would choose that. I need more information. What were the person's choices in the situation?

I ran away as an adult at the age of 24 and never went back.

I’ve been there. I slept in my car, crashed on couches, and washed dishes just to use someone’s WiFi. I called it a "choice," as if I’d picked it off a menu of good options. But sometimes, the only "choice" you have is which kind of pain you can survive.

If that’s where you are right now, I want you to know three things:

You Are Not Broken

Leaving doesn’t mean you failed. For many LGBTQ+ youth (and others in crisis), homelessness isn’t a "bad decision"—it’s the least terrible option in a world that’s failed you.

I grew up in a place that felt like a trap: expensive, isolating, and full of people who were committed to misunderstand me. When I left, I told myself I was choosing freedom—even though freedom meant hunger and uncertainty. It wasn’t a good life at first, but it was mine, and that mattered.

Surviving isn’t the same as thriving. You deserve both.

You Are Not Alone

People who’ve never been desperate will judge you. They’ll say, "Why didn’t you just…?" as if solutions were obvious. But real help doesn’t come with blame.

  • Look for the helpers: Libraries, support centers, and even some churches offer warmth, WiFi, and connections without strings.
  • Trust small kindnesses: The friend who lets you shower, the gas station clerk who doesn’t chase you out—these moments matter.
  • Ignore the noise: Your worth isn’t defined by someone else’s shame.

This Is Temporary (Even When It Doesn’t Feel Like It)

Homelessness isn’t your identity—it’s a chapter. My life changed when I found a community that chose me back. Yours will too.

While you’re in the thick of it:

  • Prioritize safety: Trust your gut. Avoid isolated areas; sleep near 24-hour stores or shelters if possible.
  • Guard your documents: Keep your ID, birth certificate, and any paperwork in a waterproof bag. They’re your tickets to housing and jobs later.
  • Prioritize sleep and let yourself dream: Write down what you want your life to look like in five years. Not the "how," just the "what." Hope is fuel.

The Truth No One Tells You

The world should’ve given you better options. It didn’t. But you’re still here, still fighting—and that means something is working.

One day, you’ll look back and realize:

  • *You weren’t "homeless." You were in transition.
  • You weren’t "reckless." You were brave.
  • And you didn’t "choose" this. You outlasted it.

Until then, keep going. However you can.